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May 9, 2012 

Let’s Talk About . . . Gay Marriage

Dun dun dun. Just to begin, I expect there will be a handful of my acquaintances and friends from through the years who will read this, become disgusted or aggravated, and proceed to continue not speaking to me, but that’s okay. I invite you to leave your dogma at the door, as I’ve just mopped and no pets allowed, and really, it’s unhelpful to just say the same things over and over again.

Here’s the deal: marriage is a word with two meanings. On the one hand, it is a legally binding contract between you, a partner, and the State. On the other, it is a holy covenant between you, a partner, and God. But see, here’s the thing: your minister understands that there’s a difference between the two. In fact, he proclaims the difference every time he presides over a wedding. “By the power vested in me by God and <insert state here>. . .” That said, I do not intend to comment on the second, religious meaning of the word. To say they are inseparable is to admit that your government has control over your beliefs, and I think that’s a pretty contradictory statement from you conservatives out there.

In any event. Gay marriage. this handy chart outlining how each state defines marriage, which ones abide it, which ones ban it, and which ones have no legal stance on the matter. For those who don’t want to click and read, it breaks down this way:

37 states have defined marriage as being between one man and one woman. 32 of them have passed statutes to that effect, 5 have made “Defense of Marriage” amendments to their constitutions. **Note: their numbers say 33 and 4, but they haven’t updated with the new North Carolina amendment.**

So, you might say, 37 states have said “No Way!” That’s clearly more than the majority of states, and while that seems like pretty strong evidence that maybe they’re on to something, let’s not get caught up in the argumentum ad populum (shout out to Annie Olson. Fallacies, what what!) red herring. In fact, Jim Crow laws, which are (now) almost universally agreed upon as unethical and supremely misguided were enacted in a whopping 35 states.

These laws were enacted shortly after that little war we had in this country in the mid 1800s in response to the new-found freedoms of the African American population. Such laws prevented rights and privileges based on race and/or social class, requiring land, money, education, etc in order to vote, hold office, etc. They were enacted to prohibit African-Americans from becoming effective citizens, with full rights and privileges. But of course, even then they bothered to hawk them as “separate but equal.”

I don’t know anyone who really thinks the Jim Crow laws were a good idea. I mean, I do live in Texas, and I have no doubts that there are a good many people who /DO/ wish they’d come back, but they’re the same ones who would likely not pass muster on the literacy portions anyhow, so we’ll just assume they don’t count. But, fortunately, as part of the resolutions from the war, the Amendment XIV was passed, allowing (among other things) equal protection under the law, stating:

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

But here we are, in 2012, passing laws that are directly counter to this statement. But wait, you say! Marriage isn’t a right! It isn’t a law! Well, the “right to get married” doesn’t exist, BUT there are certain legal amenities it provides. While these are many and widely varied, I’m going to focus on one that I haven’t seen discussed before, but should anyone know where it has, I’d love to know.

The Federal Rules of Evidence provide, as a matter of course, privilege between spouses to not have “adverse testimony” against each other. This allows a spouse to refuse to be called as a witness by the state against an accused spouse in order to preserve “marital harmony.” This is considered a “privilege,” and protected under FRE Rule 501 (See Notes of Committee on the Judiciary, Senate Report No. 93–1277). In fact, Texas offers the privilege as well.

It’s important to note the term privilege used in both of these documents. Amendment XIV expressly forbids making a law which “shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States” (emphasis mine). So, I’m going to go ahead and assume that no one assumes that homosexuals born here or naturalized are NOT citizens of this country, so I fail to see how any statute or amendment is lawful with regard to the United States Constitution, which cannot be contradicted by any law of the many states.

But wait, you may say again: the spousal privilege is only for spouses! If they can’t be married, it doesn’t ever apply! Well, you’re correct there. And here’s the problem with that. The privilege does NOT extend to boyfriends/girlfriends, engaged couples, long-time friends, etc. So by default, a homosexual couple is precluded from this privilege. But there’s a fundamental, and important difference between those allowed the privilege and those who aren’t, even among the heterosexual population: the choice to become married.

Boyfriends/girlfriends, long-time friends (of any permutation of sex), etc have all CHOSEN NOT TO BE MARRIED. Should they wish to be married, they’re allowed, but only so long as they happen to be sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex. And really, that last part seems entirely irrelevant. If a homosexual couple chooses to be married, then why can they not receive the privileges and benefits (and pitfalls!) commensurate with the legal bond of marriage? In this case, the homosexual couple wishes to abide by the laws and regulations of the State and form a contract with all its rights and privileges, but are denied on arbitrary grounds. If a homosexual couple doesn’t wish to get married? Sure, fine, deny them spousal privilege, just like you do heterosexual couples who choose not to get married. But to deny a privilege allowed by our state legislation and our federal judiciary system based solely on whether or not the two people have the same set of genitals? That just seems kind of absurd, doesn’t it?

What legal bearing does a set of genitals give? Certainly none in differentiating between the two since other legislation was passed barring the discrimination based on such genital difference. So why then, do genitals suddenly matter when it comes to a legal contract between two consenting adults? There isn’t an answer beyond a great many people presuming that unlikeness equates to moral turpitude.

But therein lies the problem. It seems a great many of the American people have conflated the legal and religious meanings of marriage, and assume they should be the same thing. If you’re going to do that, why not ban any marriages performed by a mullah or imam? By a satanist? By a Catholic or a Baptist or a guru? Their set of marital standards may be considerably different, but all that seems to matter are the ones you can see: whether it’s two people of the same sex or not.

Any way you slice it, the rule is exceedingly arbitrary. I don’t grudge anyone who, because of his or her religious beliefs, will not marry someone of his or her same sex. If that’s what your belief system says is the moral thing, great. But how can you have the audacity to say that your religious beliefs trump a legal contract between some other people and the State? Baptists don’t think drinking is moral, but there aren’t nation-wide campaigns saying we should bring prohibition back because beer is violating the sanctity of our grocery stores. It may not be moral to be gluttonous, but all-you-can-eat buffets still exist without provocation.

Let’s get it together, and use our brains a little bit, and realize that at the end of the day, that gay couple next door who can’t bind themselves together legally are still going to have sex tonight. They’re still going to make their mortgage payment, and they’re not going to eat your children, burn your bibles, or shoot your dog. Step back and ask yourself: In the real grand scheme of things, what difference does this make? And you can even extend that as far as you want. Does a gay married couple affect your relationship with God, your view of heaven? Hell? Life? Love? If it does, you are weak-willed and unsure of either yourself or that in which you believe. If it doesn’t, then why not just love and let love?

April 8, 2012 

Let’s Talk About . . . Cowardice and Motorcycles

I am a worrier, a pessimist, and a worst-case scenario kind of person. As a result, I live in a nearly constant state of fear about what might happen, and I make discussions accordingly. Anxiety and self-doubt keep me from doing a number of things I’d really like to do, but I’m worried about what might happen. I’m worried about failure. About what other people think.

It’s that last one that really bugs me. I like to think that I’m strongly independent. That I can survive solely on my quick wit and boyish good looks, but really, I’m constantly thinking about what someone else thinks or perceives about me, and that’s where a good deal of the fear comes from. Not that I think I can’t do it, but it’s almost like there’s some invisible expert on <insert topic here> standing over my shoulder, measuring me up. It’s ridiculously paralyzing.

Well, I’ve decided to take a stand against my own cowardice, and while that does not mean I’m going to throw caution to the wind, I am going to make a more concerted effort to do things that scare me. I started this journey yesterday.

I bought that, a Piaggio MP3 500. It’s a scooter, not a motorcycle exactly, but close enough, and they’re tons of fun to ride. I’ve been wanting one for years, but I’ve always been too scared to actually do it. What if I crash? What if people make fun of me? What if . . . For years I’ve been playing that game, but it’s over now.

So, I’ll be getting my motorcycle license soon, and then it’ll just be me and the road. Me and the road and a million people driving multi-ton death machines trying to run me over. I mean. Me and the road. Definitely just me and the road. I’m a responsible individual, and I know I don’t need to worry about myself going out and trying to do anything stupid, or driving too fast, or whatever. I am also aware that there are irresponsible people out there on the road, and I must pay attention to them.

The fear lies not in me, but in what people are going to think as I’m learning to ride better. Will I accidentally corner too wide, and look dumb? Will I have to slow down a little too much before a turn? Will I be a little over-cautious and look silly driving a little under the speed limit?

It sounds stupid when you write it down, but that’s what’s really been stopping me FOR YEARS. Is how silly I’ll look, even though I don’t really imagine there’ll be any problems. It’s just irrational, but it’s similar to how I approach almost everything I do.

So this is step one of a long and difficult journey out of fear and reticence to try anything new. Who’s with me?

April 5, 2012 

Let’s Talk About . . . Google Glass

So, if you don’t know what Google Glass is, check out this NYT article.

If you’re too lazy for that, maybe watch this video:

Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I fully realize the video is a dramatization, and a window into what this technology will one day become (hopefully). That said, I am as giddy as a Panam district citizen at an all-you-can-eat buffet. I’m a technology nut anyway, but augmented reality is probably the most exciting terrestrial development I can think of. It’s the closest I’ll probably ever get to real cybernetics and neural enhancements. An always-present, non-invasive means of instant research and information about whatever you happen to be doing. HUD based turn-by-turn directions, instant stats on $trivia, enhanced “mental notes” with pictures attached. And these are just the trivial things.

Consider medical reference books for similar light-weight non-intrusive tech for surgeons, complete with patient data and history, quick first-person pictures for reference, the ability to teleconference with another surgeon on a particularly delicate or crucial surgery. This tech could be used in similar law-enforcement situations. It could be used be cooks, by salespeople, by attorneys. The possibilities are endless, and this is just the beginning.

Maybe I’m just a sucker, but I’ll be purchasing these despite their inevitable limitations. I want to see where it starts, where it’s going. I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch the world change?

What upcoming tech gets you excited? What can’t you wait for?

January 22, 2012 

Let’s Talk About . . . Depression

Things have gotten pretty political around here lately, and I know that doesn’t interest everyone, so we’ll put that on hold for a while for your sake, and frankly, for mine. I just can’t take it for too long. I just find myself getting worked up over it all, and I need to take a break, to step away for a bit.

In that vein, I’ve decided it’s time to talk about something a great many people don’t understand. Depression is a very real medical and psychological condition, which isn’t solved by “a little more Jesus,” or “Just get over it,” or “He really should just grow up.” I have heard each of these responses to the topic of depression, and how it’s not real, it’s “just in your head,” and if you were stronger it wouldn’t be a problem.

I think a lot of the ignorant comments surrounding this disease comes from, well, ignorance for one, but it’s a very difficult thing to understand when you don’t know how it feels. I will attempt to dispel the fog surrounding how it feels to be depressed. Understand that how /I/ experience depression may be very different than someone else, but generally, many of the hallmarks are universal. This post is one I have tried to write a number of times, but have never quite been able to come up with the words, but after a particularly tough morning, I sent what follows to a friend, and for the first time, I felt like I had a decent glimpse of what it feels like:

Some days everything just goes wrong all at once and it feels like everything you have is just slipping away into nothingness, and you’ll be left standing there staring into the void wondering what you did to deserve this, what you could have done differently to avoid it. But then you realize that it doesn’t matter anyways, because it’s all gone and there’s no getting it back, no recovery, there’s only you and you have two choices: pick up and move on or stay put and let the void consume you, and you wonder if there’s even a difference.

Imagine you’ve gone to a soothsayer, who has a penchant for never being wrong, and she tells you that “Tomorrow, your world will end. You will not go to heaven, you will not go to hell. You will cease to exist, and everything about you will be forgotten forever. You will leave no legacy, you will simply never have existed.” The opportunists in the crowd will take this advice as carte blanche to have a ball. But really think about it. Look around you at everyone you love, everything you’ve done. All the lives you have touched, and all the lives who have touched you. Nothing. NOTHING will remain. Your life and all the hard work you’ve put in amount to nothing. And nothing meant anything. Why did you even bother?

Pretty depressing, huh? Now imagine waking up with that feeling every morning. Imagine taking a shower, brushing your teeth, doing any of the hundreds of mundane little things you have to do just to get ready to, what, go to work? And what for? Does it matter? Will it ever?

It’s those thoughts that fester in the mind, that gnaw and eat their way through any barriers of thought and reason. They form an impenetrable downward spiral, neigh impossible to stop, even when you know it’s happening. Fear leads to doubt, leads to anxiety, leads to self-doubt, leads to loathing, leads to nothing. All roads lead to Nothingness.

These are feelings that I have lived with since I was about 9 years old. It started off with my just not feeling quite right. I remember not really feeling like all the other kids /looked/ like they felt. So I started to fake it. I kept it to myself because I didn’t understand it, and it was easy enough to keep up the act, but when I got to high school, I began to wear thin. I spoke with a mentor about everything, and started seeing a counselor. I didn’t like him, and quit going. I also got on medication, which I took for a while and quit. That song and dance was repeated often. I’ve been through more medications than I can remember, and I’ve seen a handful of counselors, most of whom I ended up quitting, disappointed in their inattention and silly games. I have continued to quit the medications cold-turkey when I get on them.

It has been a long process, and I have not been the best patient, but I will, this coming week, be visiting the doctor to get back on the medication. It’s occurred to me that maybe I need to get this depression in check, because there are too many people who it affects. My ability to keep up the act 24/7 has waned, and I’m beginning to lash out and hurt people around me. So it’s time to swallow my pride, and get the help I need.

But as for depression itself, some people are depressed because of some major life event they can’t get a handle on. Some people are depressed because of neurochemical imbalance. Some people are depressed for, well, the list goes on and on.

There’s good news, though. Our good friend Science has given us a plethora of anti-depressant medications which fiddle with your brain bits and help you feel normal again. There are counselors, and therapists, and pastors, and gurus, and friends, and chocolate. It’s not the same for everyone, but it’s no less insidious, and it can cause some very real life-altering problems.

So let’s talk. Do you know someone who is clinically depressed? Are you? How do they deal with it? How do you? Do you have any questions about depression? If so, please ask, and I’ll do my best to answer them. So let’s talk. Let’s all gain a little understanding.

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