(An on-going project to discover truth in and about ourselves. See the others here)
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
As I was thinking about this post, it began to dawn on me how incredibly selfish my answer to this question is. And how utterly unrealistic it is.
I hope I never have to watch a loved one die. Okay. There it is. It’s cliche and lame, and I know that, but it’s still my answer all the same. I do not fear death. I never really have. What I fear is living alone. My parents or my brother or my wife dead, and some how or other, I’ve survived them all. I hope I never have to see that happen. Even though I know I probably will, for some at least.
It’s an undeniable fact of life that it ends. I fear not that end for me, but for them. Because it means I’ll be left here alone. I know, right? That’s pretty disgustingly selfish, but I can’t help it. I really just can’t imagine how things will be without them. We may not always agree or get along, but dammit, we’re close. And I depend on all of them. In some way or other, anyhow.
I hope I never have to watch them die. I hope I never have to figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on. I hope I never have to sit in some church alone amidst the empty faces sitting around me. I hope I never have to give a heart-felt eulogy when I won’t even know how to feel inside.
I hope I never have to. But I know I probably will. And I hope I can handle it when I do.