(An on-going project to discover truth in and about ourselves. See part 1.)
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
It’s now 8:30PM. I started this post at 7:00 this morning, and I have 19 words written. While I haven’t been sitting here staring at it the whole time, I have been thinking about the prompt all day long. And I’m still stuck. Is it possible to love a skill? I mean, can I love that I’m good at school? Does that even matter? Anyways, we’ll go with that.
College was an eye-opening experience for me. It made me realize that I really am good at something: academics. School was a breeze, not because I’m smart, but because I just got it. School just clicked; I knew the hoops, I knew how to jump through them, and what’s more, I enjoyed jumping through them. The papers, the tests, the reading, the lectures. I loved every bit of it. And I was GOOD at it. I don’t mean I got a perfect 4.0–I didn’t. But what I do mean, is that for the classes I enjoyed, I really excelled.
So I guess that is what I love about myself, because it’s given me a passion for learning, education, and academics. My aspirations of professorship are on hold for now, but how many people’s plans weren’t put on hold due to the economic downturn? But I’ll get there eventually. And I will do well, because it’s my cup of tea. It’s my niche. It’s what I’m good at. And I love that about myself.
I can look in the mirror and immediately say, “I hate my nose. I hate my skin. I hate this this and this.” An exboyfriend once said, “Well, sure you hate that stuff. You’ve had to look at it all your life. But now I get to look at it, and it’s actually quite nice.”
It’s easy to see the bad, but don’t sell yourself short, kid. You have a lot of qualities that can make you worthy of love. You are loved and you are lovable.
@LovelyAnomaly, You raise a good point. What we see every day does, often, seem to be bad, or at the very least, somewhat lackluster. I appreciate the perspective, and the kind words!
Your mention of the economic recession as a contributing factor to the delay of realizing your professional dreams was actually quite reassuring to me. I have been beating myself up for months because I feel that I am “behind” professionally…I’m almost 25, and when I was younger, I had planned to be doing a lot more by this age. I constantly feel worthless and degraded when I think that all I am doing now is shelving books part time and smearing paint on canvases which no one buys. But, what I do not stop to realize is that, had circumstances been what they were when I was 16, I probably would have had the financial leeway to really pursue my passions. Sometimes paying the bills isn’t shameful, and sometimes the world screws us over. It doesn’t mean we are failures. It just means that we have to be that much more tenacious in realizing our dreams.
@Chelle, For one, if I had expendable income, I would totally buy your paint-smeared canvases.
For two, there’s no reason to feel bad for switching into preservation mode in order to get bills paid. If you don’t pay the bills NOW, you will never be able to realize future goals.